做功課累了 回到家想睡覺一下

閉上眼睛時 腦子里卻亂得很 

習慣了.

這次拿起了手機 想自拍

因為好像一陣子沒有這樣的時間了 哈

結果

一張照片也不滿意

覺得自己真的好像老了

很久沒有好好照顧自己了..

Photoshooting of Milkos for photography finals with winloon and ronnie 

yesterday night at andrew's crib with kahern's help for asking. 

and also thanks to Junyuen for offering help.

infinity thanks to each of them for making it happen for me ,

couldn't have done it myself,

loves !

all the pictures file too big,

my laptop out of space to import ady 

bahhh. 

milkos nailed it :)

sneak preview first only haha

***

If i laugh, 

it doesn't mean that

 i've look past our current state

 or i'm happy with things this way

i'm just trying to be matured as i can be because i need to move on no matter what.

And these things around me can give 

me a momentary break from the heartache.

If i talk to you, it doesn't mean that i'm not hurt inside.

i'm just giving everything a chance,

hoping for you to talk to

 me and smile to me like you used to.

the burden i wanted to lessen initially by paying,

you got it the wrong way,

and my explanations did no mercy.

u know i stil owe my mum for the present money

If you don't find my messages anymore,

it doesn't mean i've gave up on us

i'm stil gripping on strongly to faith and realisations

i'm just being understanding for you

because you feel that i am a burden

so i am keeping a distance

but my heart for you was never

 an inch further than it was before.

I've never left

and i will never leave

until time points a knife at me.

i miss you.

***

p.s. Lover not a fighter, 

i'm not one either.

To get into place,

from here 

to there

If it makes you less sad

I will die by your hand

I hope you find out what you want

I already know what I am

And if it makes you less sad

We'll start talking again

And you can tell me how vile 

I already know that I am

I'll grow old

And start acting my age

I'll be a brand new day 

In a life that you hate

A crown of gold

A heart that's harder than stone

And it hurts a whole lot

But it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet

I'm betting I'm not

I'm glad you that can forgive

Only hoping as time goes

You can forget

You are calm and reposed

Let your beauty unfold

Pale white like the skin 

Stretched over your bones

Spring keeps you ever close

You are so fragile and thin

Standing trial for your sins

Holding onto yourself the best you can

You are the smell before the rain

You are the blood in my veins

Song by Brand New,

the boy who blocked his own shot.

How song lyrcis can be so real and unintended 

to reach mine.

I slit my own heart open long ago,

i was made to believe so.

Tonight it is bleeding again

and it may never stop.

又是張

有點紅的照片

可能最近我走紅了  哈 哈

對不起 一點都不好笑

red and never ending

dangerous and loud

changes need to be urgently done

so that serenity will come nicely 

and as long as can be.

inconsiderate,

so where is the understanding i have to give

  gushed with various realisation and mashed emotions 

that is when i lost grip of myself and other important matters.

hope someone quickly burn them away.

wait,

aren't i the one holding the lighter now?

anytime i want them to be over with.

i am in control.

so why am i still waiting and walking 

round and round and round.

 

pretty, aren't they?